How I Cursed Myself.

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When I was 18, I decided to pursue my acting career fully and began to attend auditions.

I got my mother’s blessings and she even paid for my mentoring with the veteran actor and director, Antar Laniyan, with her daily contributions for one year.

Learning from him really opened me to so many people one of which was the very amazing actor Femi Brainard.

We got familiar and in no time, he became my mentor. We had a very fruitful relationship but life happened and we lost touch.

One day, as I was watching a movie with my friends in the school hostel, I saw him featured and reflectively pulled out my phone to call him.

As the senseless mentee I was, I didn’t start the conversation with a proper greeting nor compliments.

I started in a rather razz manner which I did in trying to impress my friends that I’m familiar with a Star.

‘Booda Femi, o ga fun yin o! Haba!’

‘Temi Lawson! How are you?’ he picked up.

‘I’m not fine! Leave me jor’ I retorted.

‘Really? What is it?’

‘Izzit nor you. You left me all this while. No no call, no text, not even a flash to ask how I am doing. Haba!’ I wallowed in more in my foolishness.

‘Temi na, you know how our job is. I’ve been very busy’ he maturedly tried to make me see reasons but stupidity will not let me be great.

‘Na wa o. We too dey act na. If this is what being a famous artist turns you into, then I don’t want to be one abeg’.

The line went quiet for some seconds and I wondered if he was still there. He cleared his throat and said ‘Temi be careful what you wish for.’

That was our last conversation.

You need not ask if I got what I said because as you can see, I’m not a famous actress as I didn’t go beyond the ‘waka-pass’ roles in Super Story and a few other movies.

It’s been 13 years since this incident and it has not left me. I can’t stop thinking I caused my acting career death with my own mouth.

I can’t stop feeling I cursed myself even though I deeply enjoy my life and what I do right now.

Now when I receive some messages like:
‘I can see you have read my messages’,
‘Can’t you just reply??’
‘Na wa o!’ from wanna-be mentees, I smile and understand the foolishness in their hearts because I used to be that way.

So I manage to apologize and then subtlety pass my ‘I don’t owe you’ message in a way I hope won’t hurt.

Are you currently in a place where you so badly need something but you are not getting it no matter how hard you pray and confess?

I think it’s time you reflected on the possible ways you may be unconsciously sabotaging yourself.

It could be as simple as not showing up early or neglecting to make a call. It could be over-familiarity with the resources and persons around you and so you despise them.

You need to be careful.

Whatever you despise cannot be multiplied for you.©

Whatever your mind cannot conceive, your life cannot contain.©

Be careful what you wish for

Love,

The Electric Temi.

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