In my years of working with women to start and grow their businesses online, one topic almost always rear its ugly head – My husband does not support what I do.
I hear things like, “my husband does not allow me to work”, “he does not allow me to make money”, “he’s the reason I’m broke”, “he’s responsible for my poverty” and all the other similar tales of woe.
As I dig deep to help these women tackle this problem, I come to a very informed conclusion: Marriage does not make anyone poor.
No matter what you think or believe, marriage didn’t collect your life from you and having children did not make you an invalid.
You allowed yourself to become complacent with marriage as your sorry excuse because you are not personally driven. Have you heard it said ‘where there is a will, there’s a way’? It is true.
If indeed you were living your life optimally before you got married, your husband cannot stop you from continuing living. After all, he met you living your life. Your life must have been appealing to him before he decided to become a part of it.
You must have seen the possibility of him aiding you become better before you said yes to him. You didn’t agree to marry him knowing he will subject you under his feet and absolutely forbid you from exploring your God-given potentials or did you?
Did you know he had the potentials to stump your growth and yet you went ahead hoping against hope that he will change after you get married?
I’m sure by now, you know that marriage doesn’t change people. If anything, it magnifies our flaws. And many times, we close our eyes to these little nasty behaviours under the guise and foolish hope that ‘he will change’.
Again, I daresay, only a woman that was not living can stop living after marriage.
Ibukun Awosika was living before she got married. Her company was worth millions before she became a Mrs.
Tara Durotoye was living before she got married.
I and many amazing women I know were living before we got married.
Heck, my husband’s contributions and support for my business and life made me decide to marry him. I had a list of ‘Must Haves’ and ‘Can’t Tolerates’ thanks to Pastor Bimbo Odukoya’s book, ‘165 Questions To Ask Before You Get Married’, so I went into that marriage with all my senses opened that I couldn’t even feel butterflies in my tummy.
If you have made the mistake of joining yourself with the wrong man for the wrong reasons, this is not a post to condemn you and if you agree that you weren’t living before you got married, I’m glad you’ve just crossed the first hurdle of admittance. The next hurdle to cross is to make demands.
Now, this is not the time to feel helpless or say ‘Temi you don’t understand’ because I absolutely do. No man will ordinarily permit you to go fly because the idea of ‘trophy wife’ appeals to most African men’s ego but you have to make those demands and damn the consequences because, this is your life!
God did not create you to be a second class citizen. He made them male and female and you’re to be a help meet for his needs. Not a slave or a foot mat.
You have tarried too long on this mountain sister, move! Stop making excuses or cowering at every ‘No’ he says. Ask ‘Why not?’ and if he doesn’t yield, let it lie for the moment but don’t stop demanding.
If he turns violent, talk to somebody immediately. Talk to an organization around you, involve those you know can help you and make some tough decisions before your life goes for it but by all means, make your demands!!!
Because guess what? When you make the demand consistently, resistance weakens and the music changes. And when you start coming back home with some bacon, he will start to dance to your rhythm.
I have worked with over 2000 women personally as a business coach in the past three years so I know. This works.
I have seen the transformation that happens when these women dare to face things squarely and speak for themselves.
I have seen the tears of joy that flows when these women finally get liberated from the hanging threat of ‘I’d divorce you’ from their husbands.
Before you discard the idea of living your life and rather remain complacent, ask yourself, this life you’re living right now, would you wish it for your daughter?
Yes, that daughter you love so dearly, if this is the sort of life she decides to live after all the training and investments you made on her, would you be happy if she ends up like you all because she’s married?
If you cannot say yes clearly or the thought of it even leaves you saying ‘God forbid’, sister you’re living below God’s expectations for your life as His beloved daughter.
The earlier you stop making marriage your reason for poverty and lack, the better.
Sorry, no puppy love today.
Go make some demands of yourself.